THE END
This is to put a final full-stop to the stories of my life thus far. Moving on with life, I've created a whole new chapter to record the happenings of the new chapter in life. And if you're destined/fated to know it, you'll know it. :D
Read: This blog is dead.
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That Final Goodbye
Why is it so hard to bid farewell?
2 years of post-secondary education.... It just HAD to end like this.
老师, 您为什么要这样对我？
我是否犯了什么大罪?
为什么要这样对我？
I had never experienced such a painful farewell with a teacher you'd trusted, respected and looked up to so much (well, at least for the past 2 years).
And to think that I ACTUALLY broke down, in a place called the school, in front of the teacher I'd trusted so much. It's inconceivable. It really is. To think that I had always pride myself by not shedding a single tear in front of a single other person.... well, perhaps other than my brother, in a rather weirdest and most awkward circumstance some time recently, some 40 days ago. Or thereabout.
This thing. It just had to happen. Oh well, at least it had been a trial thorough enough to uncover the real personality behind the other person. Had it not?
And I had learnt a painful but valuable lesson. Anyway, life's about learning right? *forced smile* In future, I'll never ever put my trust completely in another human, other than God.
In any case, the shutters in my heart had rolled down to draw an end to my journey for the past two years in a place called the school.
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That aside,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY EIRENE KOH!!! (=
Have fun on your birthday.
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Phew! Last minute packing hadn't been fun, but well, at least it's all done.
Hmm, other than that...
Charis, thank you for praying for me throughout these period of emotional and spiritual turmoil and unrest. Thank God for the sustenance He had provided me throughout these 40 days of total shit. Thank God for choosing me or my dad to be David to serve Him whole-heartedly, and knocking down the giant Goliath with just a plain mere stone.
I believe that there's more to come. There will be. But I'll be more prepared now, to take everything in God's perfect timing.
In times like this, only God, and Him Alone, would understand and care to wipe my tears all away.
[add a hair to the bow] [link]
Well, one more.
Aha! God DID answer my prayer. I was really fine and alright during bio paper today!! =)
Well.. until the examiner says stop writing, at least.
And here I go all over again.
Yay? ._. This is getting really sickening.
And so I'm recuperating once again, hoping that I'll be ok for Thursday's 75 minutes paper, I hope. *crosses finger*
Haiz.
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Ok more about today's paper.. It's ok I guess? Except that last page. Was left with half an hour for the essay and guess what? It was the freaking same questions which I did THREE YEARS AGO in 2005. A stupid 2000 word essay on 'Discuss the implications of the Human Genome Project.'
So much for getting a B+ for that huh. And now I can't even remember half of whatever I'd written. T_T I really don't know whether to :) or :(((( at that instant...
(Let me see if my memory is bad, or it's normal to forget projects that one had done..... wsy and wsm, can u guys remember what you've written for that?)
It's only when I returned home and sort out my oh-so-messy table that I realised that we actually had a 4-page notes on human genome project. And it was chucked somewhere in an incovenient place on my table. T__________T Haiz. I hate, really hate stupid social/ethic implications questions. There's no science behind ethics thingies lah. That whole last question was pure regurgitation (which I can regurgitate nothing) and there's totally nothing science about it at all la! Well, only perhaps for the benefits part.
Sigh, anyway what's done is done already lah, no point crying over spilt milk right? Right. So look ahead. :) (And smile, cos Eirene's birthday is coming. Ok, irrelevant. hahaha.)
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Nushians graduated last week, I heard. Like, finally. And the top student was Yun Zhi? Actually not really surprising la, she'd lived up to her sec school's name.. confirm rgs student should be able to do well right? In any case, congrats to her. (:
[And while the whole world... well, whole island, at least... of 18-year-olds have graduated, I'm still pretty stuck in my current situation. Neither am I really still in the school, nor out of it. But whichever way, in or out, there's one thing for sure: I'm going to wear the stupid blue skirt and blouse for another 75 minutes of my LIFE this thursday, afterwhich I'm gonna BURN them ALL. Ok, maybe not, well maybe throw them all away- while I still kept the white polo-shirt & green skorts in a pretty safe place in my closet. :) ]
....And this brings me back all over again, to the beginning. Why had I even set foot in a JC anyway? Whyyy?
Stepping into nus high.. a regret? Possibly.
Stepping out of nus high... a regret? Definitely.
But no matter what, 2T28 had been the most fabulous class EVER (well, other than fhps 6B'02). And no matter what happens, may it be 10 or 15 years from now, I will still LOVE T28 from the bottom of my heart. :D
Whatever it is, the end of the journey of 2 years is drawing near. In THREE days time. only 3. Hang in there... But it wouldn't only mark an end to uniform-ed life. It signifies the beginning. The beginning of us experiencing the world out there. The beginning of it all. And I hope that this time, I would cherish this opportunity to walk a path which I would leave no regrets. Ever. I hope to tread the path with determination and zeal, with drive and motivation, to make decisions at crossroads with faith and walk out a path for myself from there with enthusiasm, fuelled by burning passion. For I had come to a realisation that without passion and zeal, everything seems meaningless (good example is studying two freaking years of Econs).
Counting down to the day when freedom will befall on me. It would mean that I'm a step closer to the real world. But after staying within my shell of comfort and warmth for the past 18 years, I couldn't help but to wonder, am I really fully prepared for it? All these studying and mugging, how far can it bring us to? All these 'skills' or so-called 'life-skills' that we'd acquired during student-development or mentoring lessons, are they even enough to provide us with the foundation to face the challenges ahead?
How much had formal education prepare us for the real world? Or does it only worsen our illusions, sinking more deeply into the reel world? Really, how prepared are we, if at all?
Aiya, after talking so much, let me come back once again to reality. I'm only 18, void of experience and full of immaturity, and at this current state, have not even completed the A levels. Back to life, one more paper to go. Three days, one more.
Before I say, 'Hi China, Hi Samuel!' and 'Happy Birthday Eirene!'.
[add a hair to the bow] [link]
Smiley.
I really hope that I'll be fully recovered by Monday for Bio Paper 3. And Paper 1 on Thursday too.
God, let me take the last 2 papers with a clear mind and healthy body.
Will be taking my last dose of (super yuccckkkyyyy) Magnesium Trisilicate medicine after lunch.
YAYYYY.
And also no more Colimix. Double Yayness.
Wah lao these 3 months I've drowned myself in medicines la. Different colours, different tastes, different textures, different sizes of tablets etc.
I sound like a drug addict.
Need to build up my immune after A's.
Now I shall just pacify my tummy and my nose.
Smiley.
[add a hair to the bow] [link]
Continued
Ah yes, as I was saying this afternoon, before my violin lesson....
GP down,
Maths down,
Econs down,
Chem down.
Bio left.
2 more.
Only two.
ONLY.
2.two.deux.
There had been ups and downs. Whichever way, I just want to commit everything to God. He had been and will be my guide, my source of encouragement, my motivator, my helper to pull me through all these. I would be dead, really DEAD, long ago, if not for His help.
Think about this. I only sat for GP and Maths paper 1 with a totally clear mind and healthy body. It's only 2 days into the A's and here I (my health) go, all over again. That stupid cramp, and all was unleashed. Literally. And to think of it, Econs is the WORST. WORST paper I'd ever sat for in my entire life. Imagine, 3 essays within 135 minutes with a stupid gastric (and I very cleverly forgot to bring my medicine along). One hand scribbling answers frantically, the other clamping down on my disobedient stomach with intervals of wiping my tears away. It sucked. It really did.
But I'm here to testify. A miracle happened. It really did. The moment the examiner said 'Time is up, stop writing, pens down', I really put a full-stop to my THIRD essay. It's the FIRST time I completed ALL THREE essays for paper 2. (Whether I was writing bullshit or not, I wasn't quite sure, cos I was more concerned over fighting with the pain.) All throughout the past 2 years, I only finished TWO essays at best, sometimes 1.5 only. But this time, in the midst of the pain and tears, GOD HELPED ME. And I DID it.
Somehow, I didn't know how. All I knew was, that 135 mins was the worst time ever. It felt like the torture's never going to end. And I was praying all throughout.
Oh well. What was done had been done. And the rest is pretty much in God's Almighty hands. Hallelujah!
God will make a way,
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way,
He will make a way.
I was glad that He spoke to me today.
Mark 11:24
Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.
The words so clear. His words so promising, so dear.
And I believe.
I believe.
[add a hair to the bow] [link]
x_X
WTF?!
My violin has grown mould on it! DAMN DISGUSTING LA!
wth wth wth wth wth wth
MY VIOLIN!!!!
**goes berserk**
Wah lao. I only didn't play it for 3 weeks la! 22 days only. ONLY. T_T
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on a side note, SIX more days before 'Hi Samuel!!!!!!!' face-to-face. Yay. SIX. ONLY SIX. :) Less than a week. only 6 days = 144 hours. Less than 150 hours. Kay I sound desperate. Lol. I AM.
Samuel I miss you so so so much. Miss you so desperately. :((((
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Haiz.
In any case, GP, CHEM, ECONS are ALL out of my lifeeee for GOOOD. OUT OF MY LIFE. :)
Maths is momentarily out too. But more to come next year? Perhaps.
Oh ya, on a random note, Econs theory doesn't hold after this global economics crisis. See? TOLD YOU. Econs is a piece of theoretical bullshit that doesn't hold in real life. There's gonna be a HUGE revamp to the old theories to fit new ones that describe the current economic situation now, I'm sure.
Oh well.
That's all for now.
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Violin lesson now. YAY. Bye.
[add a hair to the bow] [link]
First
First school-international exam ever.
First national exam in like 6 years? It's a damn long time and I've already forgotten how I'd did it in Primary School.
The only feeling is that I have no feeling about it.
Paradoxical? Obviously.
Let me do something that reason cannot fathom and Science cannot explain. Miracles DO happen, and that's precisely why Science cannot displace religion completely and religion is here to stay, no matter how marginalised it would/had become.
Love is in the air. :)
Charis, thank you so so much.
Samuel, it's only 14 days - only FOURTEEN, and I miss you so desperately already. :(
17 more days before I could see you again. :)
[add a hair to the bow] [link]
And here we go
The start of the single-digit countdown has arrived.
:) or :( ?
Don't know. Can't tell.
Whatever it is...
May the light of God shine through me.
May God work wonders with me, through me, using me.
May the labours of my hands bring Glory to Him. And Him Alone.
May the fruits of my labour bear GREAT testimony of His Name.
May I surrender each and every single detail to Him, in His Holy Name.
This is HIS war. Not mine.
Because everything happens for His purpose, in His perfect timing.
[add a hair to the bow] [link]
It's time like this that I'd wished I'd taken Physics instead of Bioooo.
Damn it.
I'm so NOT prepared for the A's. :(((((((((((((((((
Wasted a week by slacking and sleeping. T__________________T
Haiz. 15 more days to the exams. no timeee. What's new? :(
Life sucks, more so, if the days and nights are crammed full of econs (wth).
on a side note, I'd taken 4 years to reach the 200th post. slow huh. lol.
[add a hair to the bow] [link]
wu hua ke shuo
After finishing up a belated post on Friday, which was some stupid graduation day, I felt slightly sick and totally mentally crippled.
Then on Saturday, my body somehow got a blow from my emotions.
And on Sunday, my dreading flu (which dragged on for 3 weeks already) came back again and here comes my sore throat and FEVER again. Yes, again. And this time, it was no joke, 'cause the fever is damn high. Before I could get myself to rest, the afternoon and night was spent in the washroom while I occupied myself with the periodic vomiting and diarrhoea-ing. And because of the vomiting, I strained my lower jaw and the swell and pain from the surgery of the wisdom teeth came back again. WTH.
Never had I been bombarded with a whole lot of sickness like this before. I had really wished to die there and then, and I thought I really did. But I was just merely unconscious. :(
Then I found myself lying in some kind of hospital bed (I totally didn't know where I was) and tried to message someone, anyone, in my semiconscious state. Then I saw my mum sitting on a chair near me and felt much more comforted. :)
And I was drowsy for the rest of the night, but couldn't exactly sleep because of the irritating pain. Then the doctor woke me up several times to give me some jabs here and there (I totally have no idea what are they). I just felt damn weak. Totally no energy kinda weak.
I was more than glad to be discharged at noon today. yay. The fever was gone so I'm damn happy. The pain has subsided too. But you know something? I'm taking more than 10 different kind of medication after each meal. That sucks. And according to the doctor, it was 'a conflict of medicine' which I'd taken lately (for like the past 2 weeks) that caused the stomach upset and all, but then he later prescribed like 6 other kinds of medicine so I'm like WTH?!?!
Haiz. To think that I could join my friends for mock exam today. :( :(
And oh yes, in the near future, if people were to ask me which school am I from, I wouldn't hesitate to say: "____ High", or "I'm home-schooled."
For I couldn't bring myself to utter the three-letter palindromic name of the school that affected my health and attitude towards life so adversely.
[add a hair to the bow] [link]
Alamak
Ahha! Finally. I got the concert photos! The May 2008 Musicale. :) Nice Memories.
This is the group one. Spot me. Bet you can't. Haha. I always somehow appear to be hiding in photos.
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Now, look at this.
This (below) is a (not-so-emo) photo of my violin teacher:
(eh.. I kapok from his friendster one...)
And this, is his graduation photo in NAFA.
(and then you look at this other person) And then you'll go, "What the **** -_-""" alamak!!" Anyone anti-CJGuzheng would do that, I swear.
They graduated from the same college - NAFA, same class, same batch, under the same lecturers.
Wah lao eh. Life so qiao also no need to be like that right. zzzz.... sian diao.
Haiz.. Let's just take comfort that she isn't good enough (though she got her honours) to teach in music schools and be a real conductor. hahaha. Lol. Okay la, I'm evil. hee hee.
Ok the English in this post is like apiognaefgoirn, like s-h-i-t. Whatever.
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And yes, another thing. Just wanted to quote some stuffs from this inspiring writer, Low Kay Hwa.
"Life is like a journey in which time is the distance and emotions, our obstacles, as we try to complete the journey – overcoming the bad emotions with good emotions is more important than pondering why we are going to the destination."
"Life and death are divided by just a line. Sometimes, we think that life is on one end of the line, and death is on the other. Truth is, if you draw a horizontal line, life is on the top of the line and death is on the bottom. That is how close life and death is."
"Tomorrow may, or may not come. Because 2 days later, tomorrow will be yesterday. So cherish today. For tomorrow, you may have crossed the line."
Meaningful, yet powerful messages conveyed subtly in simple words. How ingenious. The reason why I quoted this was, I realised how true it is, that life and death are a matter of millimetres away. Death grabbed hold of my violin teacher's younger sister in the most unpredictable fashion 5 days after attending his graduation ceremony (scroll up and see the date on the photo). I mean, isn't it tragic, if one day a loved one is here, and the next moment, he/she's home with the Lord? I can't imagine, especially if it happened totally unexpectedly.
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I'm happy now because I'm suddenly enlightened (about an hour ago) where I'll probably be studying in, and studying for, this time, next year. In a place not too far away, taking my most aspired course.
And yes, I actually DID pass chem. A nice ending to college exams, somehow. :)
Now, for the BIG 'A's.
[add a hair to the bow] [link]